Deep in the bowels of the White House 2

With his poll ratings dropping faster than a "To Catch A Predator" contestant's pants and the dead bodies in Iraq and Afghanistan rising quicker than the average American's credit card debt, the Idiot in Chief has become increasingly snappish and ill tempered. Some say he has a "bunker mentality." Our Monkey Muck microphones caught this conversation in the White House just the other day:

President Bush: I am the president. The president. Do ya'll hear me? I am the president. Now tell me who is here to see me.

Karl Rove: It's your friends from Texas.

Friends from Texas: Howdy Georgie. How they hangin'?

Bush: I am the president. I bet ya'll forgot that. El presidente. The top enchilada. And what I say goes. So nah, nah, nah.

Friends: We know you're the president George. We helped pay to get you here. Now it's our turn to collect, we want that Eye-Racky oil. Whats taking so long?

Bush: President. President. Me, me, me. The. President.

Karl Rove: You guys need to be patient.

Sec. of State Office Douchebag Dude: We're working on it. We got the Iraqis killing themselves as fast as we possibly can. We have to make it look legit.

Friends: Who the hell are you buddy?

Karl Rove: He's the new Secretary of State.

Sec. ODD: That's right I took her job.

Condi Rice: Will someone please look at my circle?

Fox News Guy: It's above your waist dumb ass.

Bush: Yes? Did someone call me?

Fox News Guy: No, I was just talking to her.

Bush: You was scamming fur, being Raymond Burr, talking to my chur.

Karl Rove: Look Steve, you run up stairs and get the chaps on sugar booger, and Daddy will be up in a minute.

Fox News Guy: Ok, but remember tonight's safe word is "pelosi."

Bush: Pelosi? She's here too? I'm the president. Not her. She a slur, a Texas cur, a fuzzy blur.

Karl Rove: No, George, she's not here.

Bush: Yes she is. I feel an evil presence.

Michelle Malkin: That would be me sir.
Bush: What you want baby cakes?

Malkin: I want you to speak out against the Mexicans for booing Miss USA at the pagent. They were despicable.

Bush: I might just do that honey bunny. I got the time after all, I did hire me a war czar, so hell yes, I got lots of time now.

War Czars: Hell yes, speak out. Give 'em hell boss.

Friends: Holy shit, is that a baby pouring beer down a red neck's open pie hole?

Karl Rove: That is our new war czar. Show some respect.

Bush: R E S P E C T, find out what this means to me. Sock it to me.

Friends: Is he all right? He looks all crazy googly eyed and shit and he smells like he's been drinking Aqua Velva.

Bush: Make me smell ya, going to Selma.

Karl Rove: He's the president, of course he's fine. Anything the president does is fine and since it's him doing it, it's automatically legal.

Bush: Auto legal, grab a beagle, chug some Chivas Regal.

Jenna Bush: Somebody mention having a drink? Cos' I could totally use one. Maybe two or fif-fucking-teen!! Partayyyyy!

Karl Rove: Condi, get her out of here.

Condi: Yes Daddy. Come on Jenna, let's go and you can tell me whats new.

Bush: What's new, twats two, kiss a Jew.

Friends: (in a whisper) Man he's gone nuts. Maybe we better go.

Bush: Mash a screw, mah balls are blue, I love the needs of the few. scooby dooby doo.

Karl Rove: Maybe you should leave guys. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just hungry.

Bush: (sings) I'm hungry like the wolf! Doo doo doo, hungry hiking neuf. Volleyball spiking poof. My name is Rio and I dance up on some jam.

Friends: Nope. He's not hungry, he's gone nuts.

Bush: (still singing) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, see them all standing in some snow.

Karl Rove: If you promise not to tell anyone about this and you go upsatirs right now, I'll let you play grab ass with Jenna and Condi.

Friends: Deal.

Karl Rove: Come on George, it's nap time honey.

Bush: (yawns) Ok Daddy. I wuv you.

Karl Rove: Sleep tight Georgie. You let me and the rest of the grown ups handle everything.

Bush: (big yawn) But I'm still the president, right?

Karl Rove: Sure Georgie, sure you are.

Separated at birth?

"Jungle" Jack Hanna

and

my douchebag Senator Bob Corker.

Laura Bush is the new Maria Von Trapp

We saw this over at TN Guerilla Women's blog. We had to post it here as well because it is so damn funny. And you people thought she was just a brain dead Stepford wife all these years, shame on you.

Thanks everyone!

Well we are overwhelmed with gratitude for you today. It seems that you, the wonderful people who read this blog, are responding to the National Impeach Cheney Poll in record numbers. You are responding so well that in fact this humble little blog is in the top ten of referring websites that link to the Impeach the Dark One Poll.

Thanks so much for sending such a loud and clear message.


And thanks for putting us in the big time.

But this new found fame does have it's dark side. It seems that we had a visitor from the Department of Veterans Affairs on our little blog and they found us through the Toss Out the Friend Shooting/Covert CIA Agent Outing Asshole Poll. This visitor from our nation's capital stayed on our little blog for a little over 14 minutes. We hope they had a learned something along with having a laugh, but we seriously doubt they did either one of those things, laughed or learned anything.

We bet they would love to use a sledgehammer on our little monkey head and then apply electrodes to our naughty places so they could shock the monkey into behaving. Or maybe we're just paranoid.

In any case, we're proud that in your eyes we rock.

And one more thing, no matter what happens, don't give up. Ever.

And yes, we dig Peter Gabriel, we're monkeys after all, not some unfeeling mandroid like Dick Cheney.

What Iraq war vets say, what Iraqis say

We seemed to have stepped into a debate with Bush apologist over at Samurai Frog's blog.

Master Frog had tossed up a well written, as usual, post about Cindy Sheehan stepping down as the face of the anti war movement and some dullard who bought all the lies the Bush junta sold to the corporate media jumped in on the comments section and proceeded to attack Ms. Sheehan. He then went on, after being corrected by Froggy Woggy Doodle's readers, and claimed that the invasion of Iraq was a good thing because it got rid of Saddam and that the warwithoutendAmen needs to continue until all the terrorists in Iraq have been killed

We pointed out something to this intellectual aberrant over there that perhaps needs to be pointed out over here, so here goes:

When you hear people say that it was a good thing that we overthrew Saddam and that the people love us for it, they are wrong. Yes, there is no doubt that Saddam was a "bad person" who killed thousands of people. But we'd like to ask you who is responsible for the hundreds of thousands of deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan now? Who is responsible for the indiscriminate use of depleted uranium weapons that will cause horrific birth defects, poison the ground water, and make land un-farmable forever over in Iraq and Afghanistan? The answer to those questions are of course our Commander in Chief. So we'd say that the question of who killed more Iraqis is pretty much moot at this point. But when you add in all the Afghans killed in the war of terror, Bush is number one with a bullet, if you pardon our pun.

We met a young Iraq war veteran back in the first part of the spring. He went with us to talk to our douchebag Congressman about ending his support for the warwithoutendAmen. The Congressman did not listen, in fact we think it hardened his position, but we did get a chance to speak with an actual person who fought in the war of terror.

We asked the vet how the Iraqis felt about us being there. He told us that they told him that life under Saddam was better than life under the occupation. He said that yes people did fear and hate Saddam, just as some Americans fear and hate our Idiot in Chief. He went on to say that while the vast majority of people did not like Saddam as their leader, he had no affect on their day to day lives. He told us that they said that at least under Saddam they had health care, they had jobs, they had electricity, they had dignity. Under the US occupation they have none of those things, but by god they have democracy.

The President and his pundits claim it was a great thing we did to bring democracy to Iraq and that the world will thank us someday for it. Bull shit. We invaded a country for it's oil and we are making a mockery of human rights and justice by not allowing Iraqis and Afghans to have their country back. We killed thousands of thousands of thousands people and we will kill many more when the depleted uranium dust runs it course.

The Iraqi people want us out, the Iraqi parliment wants us out, the Afghan people want us out.

Why are we still there?


Who wants us to stay?




Him,










them,











and The Dark One.













Who wants us out again?

Everyone who is actually fighting the war and everyone who is living in the countries where the wars are being waged.

Oh, ok, got it. Thanks.

Some Swedish women talk about Fred Thompson and stuff

"He is trying too hard to be Ronald Reagan. He's not pulling it off."

"He is very bad actor."

"Our flowers are pretty and they smell good as well."

"A life time of playing people in charge in Hollywood movies has gone to his head."

"We would like to kiss you all night long and hold you in our slender yet sensuous arms Dr. Monkey. Do you see our pucker?"

"Leave us alone you old letch. Can't you see we have snared the only Asian Swede in the land. Go away."

"His monkey odor is on me, I must go shower. Are you two joining me?"

"Please talk to us of ABBA or meatballs."

"I have seen this old man you speak of, he frightens me and my small animals."

"Jag och Jens har spelat så jääävla mycket Nintendo 8-bitars så det är läskigt. En kväll somnade han och jag satt uppe till 02.00 och spelade mig manisk. Men allt spelande har också resulterat i att vi klarade Super Mario 3, något jag aldrig gjort tidigare så då blev jag glad. Nu är det Super Mario 2 som är min (och Jens) största mani."

"Why yes, of course I keep up with American politics, everyone in Sweden is obsessed with your elections. Why we hardly have time for anything else. In fact I am reading a book by Al Gore right this very second. I think Fred Thompson is an old fart and a fake populist. I hope your media can make sure that you all understand that as well as we do here in Sweden. We all know that even Ron Paul would make a better President that that Moon Pie sucking, gravy sweating, cigar chomping old dork Fred Thompson. But what we also know is that if you want to be a great country once more, you will elect Dennis Kucinich. He is the man to lead America into the future."

And that proves once again, that since the hot ladies love Dennis, so should you! Vote Kucinich in 2008.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Put those hands together for Unibrow Grocery Store Guy, he's a got a joke you can tell your kids.

Knock, knock.

Who's there!

Monkey!

Monkey who?

Monkey won't fit that's why I knocked!

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week.

Ladies, don't forget to check out my 'tenderloin,' heh heh heh. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

The Biggest Whore in Hollywood

We have long felt that Kiefer Sutherland was the biggest whore in Hollywood. Mr. Sutherland makes the talk show rounds and claims that he is against torture and that he is really a progressive, and yet he continues to rake in a huge salary for starring in the FOX show 24 year after year.

We invited Kiefer in to give his side of the story.

Okay, first off thanks for giving me a chance to respond to your accusations. Yo Monkey dude, I am not a whore. I'm a cool dude, why just look at me on the cover of Rolling Stone. How cool is that? How man times you been on the cover of the Rolling Stone?

Just because I do a show that is produced by a right wing Rush Limbaugh lovin' guy who supports Bush's war of terror wholeheartedly, that does not make me a whore. I'm against torture remember?

And you know what Monkey? It's no crime to be on a TV show. This is a capitalist country, granted it's also a country that I was not born in but it's one I will exploit for my personal gain. It's not my fault that I give right winger guys hard ons when I do stuff like this:

And you know what else? It's not my fault that people like Ann Coulter, Laura Inghram, and Sean Hannity get wet panties when they see me like this:

I'm just an actor doing a TV show. Yeah I know it's a hugely popular TV show and all of it's previous seasons are in reruns on various channels and on DVDs that are available for rent or purchase. No way a TV show can influence public policy or influence the way people think or what they do. I came out and said I was personally against torture, so what more do you want?

Just because some woman did shit like this in prisons in Iraq, it's not my fault. No way no how.

And I am in no way responsible for this type of shit or for people thinking that this type of shit is okay. I keep telling you that what I do is just a TV show.

I'm really a stand up guy Monkey dude. The cool kids dig me because I'm all dark and edgy. And because I have a band that I made a film about and my film about my cool ass band was on Vh1, how much cooler can you get than that?

So dude, as you can see, anyone who has been on the cover of the Rolling Stone, who is on a popular TV show, and who has a cool ass band that a movie was made about is not a whore. Seriously, I'm not a whore. I show up at my job, do my work, make my money, and I support the non torture of people. You just ignore all those West Point cadets who say that torture is ok becasue they see me do it on TV. And you just ignore that anti immigration ass from Colorado who says he thinks torture is cool since he sees me do it on 24. And you just keep on watching my show on FOX and keep buying our DVDs so I can keep making money.

And hopefully, one of these days I'll actually believe what I'm saying and then maybe I'll sleep better at night, that is when I,m not touring with the bestest band ever!

Housekeeping

We booted Democratic Underground off our little blog roll due to their snide remarks about Cindy Sheehan. It galled us to no end that a supposedly "progressive" blog would deride a woman who lost her son in the Idiot in Chief's war on Iraq and Afghanistan and who then went on to be the public face of the anti-war movement. Those pricks over there would not even be protesting or speaking out today if not for La Sheehan.

Kiss our simian asses Democratic Underground. And stay the hell of our blog you punks.

Oh yeah, and if you happen to read this Cindy, thanks so much for all your hard work. We love you hon.


UPDATED @ 1:45 PM with a haiku for La Sheehan:

A mother lost her young son,

Then she fought the war.

Thank you "Peace Mom" Cindy S.

Damn you Dr. Zaius!!!!

Until you posted this wonderful piece of fluff a week or so ago we were happy not knowing about this bit of sweet sweet French pastry, but now that we know about her, we can't get her song stylings out of our tiny monkey brain. Ahh well, at least she's singing about bananas.

"Buh-na-na-na, buh-na-na-na, banana spilt....."



We'll get you for this Doc. We swear we will. But not right now, we're too busy enjoying the Gaulic charms of this pop music goddess. "Buh-na-na-na, buh-na-na-na, banana split...," feckin' genius. Pure feckin' genius.

Damn Scammers

We got this email today:

Dear Customer,
Wachovia Internet Banking, is here by announcing the New Security Upgrade.We've upgraded our new SSL servers to serve our customers for a better and secure banking service,against any fraudulent activities. Due to this recent upgrade,you are requested to update your account information by following the reference below.

Regards
Wachovia Bank, N.A. and its affiliates.

We deleted the link they sent, it was not a working link anyway. We love getting these, especially this one, since we do not have and never have had an account at Wachovia Bank. So we sent this reply to the scammers:

Damn, the link you provided did not work. Can I just send you guys my bank account info? And my credit card info as well? You seem like pretty honest and nice fellows.

Hey you idiot scamming morons, it's "hereby" not "here by."

We swear, if they keep this up, we'll unleash The League of Mullets on them. Then they'll be sorry they ever tried to scam anybody.

Jokes you can tell your kids

Hey everyone, let's hear it for our friend Brad's dog. It has a joke you can tell your kids.

What do you call a man who swings through the jungle backwards?

Nazrat!

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week or until they let me out to pee, which I hope is pretty soon since I am about to bust, I'm not kidding. I need to freakin' pee. Don't forget to tip your waitress. Damn, I wish Brad would let me out so I could pee. I'll get you one of these days Brad, just you wait. Arf!

A true story about telling a made up story

The fabulous D Cup's comments on our humble blog today reminded us of a story we made up one night on the fly as we played cards on Yahoo.

It was well past midnight here at Monkey Muck HQ and we, someday we will tell the story of why we use the royal 'we' most of the time, were playing Spades on Yahoo. The people we were playing against noticed that we were not saying much. They chided us for it and then went on with their banal banter. Things went on like that until one of them said to us that they were going to play slowly on purpose if we did not say something, so we started telling them a story.

Let us preface this story with the statement that our friend Todd loves to quote Nietchze for comic effect anytime he thinks the situation warrants it. And he loved to quote Nietchze on stage during our improv comedy shows.

Ok, on with the story we told the idiots we were playing cards with that night on Yahoo:

"I was having a cocktail late one night in my mansion on Sneetch Island when a blackbird flew in the through the window. It perched on the mantle and stared at me. I was creeped out.

Not too long after that Russell Crowe came in to my home and demanded that I let him use my cell phone. Not wanting any trouble and still creeped out by the bird, I of course quickly agreed to his request.

Just as he was about to dial the phone we heard screams coming from the nunnery down the road from my mansion. Russell and I ran out of the house and towards the nunnery. The bird followed us, eyeing me as it flew.

We ran into the nunnery and we saw the Abbess standing there in the foyer screaming at the top of her lungs. She was white as a sheet and her fists were clenched by her sides as she screamed over and over again.

Suddenly Russell Crowe became angry that all that was going on was us standing there watching the Abbess scream. He drew my cell phone back and he threw it at her with all his might. But before it hit her the blackbird swooped down and grabbed it out of mid-air.

Russell Crowe became disgusted with the whole scene so he stormed out in a huff. The Abbess stopped screaming and she began to stare at me. I was captivated by her gaze and so I started back. We stood there staring at each other, our eyes boring holes into one another.

Then all at once she turned and ran when she saw Russell Crowe come back in the room. I stood there dumbfounded. I looked over at him and I said, 'What just happened here?

He shrugged and said, 'Sometimes when you stare into the Abbess, the Abbess also stares into you.' "

Needless to say they all thought we were an idiot because they did not get the joke. As for us, we still laugh to ourselves when we see a nun, Russell Crowe, and or a blackbird.

Oh no HE didn't!!! HE did not say that!!!

Holy crap, here we go again. That idiot Tom "The Hammer" Delay has said that Jeebus's daddy talked directly to him. From the post over at Raw Story:

Former Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who resigned under indictment on campaign finance-related charges in Texas, also has grown dissatisfied with the president's stewardship of the conservative movement. DeLay told Goldberg that in coming years, when he is not fighting the Texas indictment, he plans to build a conservative grass-roots movement to rival MoveOn.org, insisting that divine inspiration brought him to that quest.

"God has spoken to me," DeLay said. "I listen to God, and what I've heard is that I'm supposed to devote myself to rebuilding the conservative base of the Republican party, and I think we shouldn't be underestimated."

Ok, first things first. The operative passage from the above quote is "when he is not fighting the Texas indictment." Did Jeebus's Daddy tell him to break the law back when he broke it?

Secondly, does God only speak to indicted or idiot Republicans?

Thirdly, was it also Jeebus's Daddy who told him to stop the legislation that was going to help the sweat shop slaves in the Marianas Islands? Did Jeebus's Daddy tell him to gut the social welfare programs that FDR and LBJ started? Did Jeebus's Pappy whisper in his ear that he should let the Bush junta run rough shod over our civil liberties and our Constitution?

If it is true that the Pater O' Jeebus said all that shit to DeLay, then it makes me even gladder that I am an atheist. What kind of sick deity would favor the Republicans over the Democrats? What kind god is it who hates the Afghans and Iraqis so much that he got Bush elected President? What kind of fucking god is it that talks directly to one of the most corrupt politicians in this country and tells him to rebuild a wing of a terrorist political party that does nothing but sow hatred and intolerance?

Why it's enough to make one think that our so called "leaders" are actually insane asses.

But on the off chance that there really is a God, then we'd love for him to shut his fat yap.

Ligthen up, It's Tuesday

Comin' at ya like an out of control AMC Pacer is this weeks list of blog posts, pictures, and other stuff that made us laugh out loud.

1. Matthew Hubbard's brief history of the child bride.



2. Memorial Day memories from The Self Help Center.



3. Someones dream girl via Little Purple Fooshballs.
   


4. More pedias that you can shake a stick at over on All the Way From Oy To Vey.



5. He's three for three this week with us. Evil Spock had us rolling in the floor with these posts about Meme-morial Day, outsourcing, and why he fears India so damn much.



6. To find out what happens when the moon comes out early and thongs go wrong, go here.



7. Finally this made us laugh but not in a good way. It made us laugh in a gallows humor way because is shows just how stupid our President is.

Oh well, sometimes we've got to remember that everything that makes us laugh is not funny. But thank goodness that most of the things we do laugh at are funny and not scary.

Oh and by the way, if anyone cares we started a new blog and you can find it here. You may find it amusing or you might not, humor is subjective after all.

Heroes and others

The news that Michael Vick, he's the quarterback for the NFL Atlanta Falcons for those of you who do not know, is involved in dog fighting got us to thinking about heroes and assholes.

When we were a small monkey (if that turn of phrase doesn't make our old English teachers tear their hair out then we are not sure what will, but screw them anyway since this is our blog and not theirs) we were taught to idolize people who made a difference. Now since we also loved baseball and those were some of the glory days in Detroit Tigers history, 1968 through 1973, so we also idolized one of the team members. Most white kids idolized Al Kaline, and believe me he was damn good, he's a Hall of Famer after all, but our hero was a black guy with a little pot belly who played left field by the name of Willie Horton. He could do it all in our opinion, he could slug the hell out of the ball, he could field well, and he was gracious in his dealings with the media and with fans. He seemed to us to be a stand up guy.

We stopped being a huge Tigers fan when they traded Willie and when we moved from Michigan to Virginia but our love for Willie only grew through out the years. We found out many years later that during the first nights of the race riots in Detroit in 1967, which we lived through, so that means yes, we're in our mid 40's, so bite us, that Willie, at huge personal and financial risk to himself, saw fit to try to stop some of the rioting. What he did was put on his uniform and he went out onto the streets to try to talk people out of looting and rioting. What he did was astonishing because it was against team policy, the Tigers management told all players to stay out of the mess that was engulfing the city. If he had been hurt during the fracas, then the Tigers surely would have fired him or cut his salary, this was in the dark days of baseball before free agency liberated and protected players so the team would have easily gotten away with whatever they wanted to. So for Willie to have put everything on the line to help stop the violence was an extraordinary and heroic thing to do.

It also came to our attention that Willie was born in a place, Big Stone Gap, Va, that is not too far from where we live now, Johnson City, TN. Sadly however there is no plaque or any type of honor for him at the city of his birth because Willie is black and the population of Big Stone Gap is mostly lilly white.

It came to our attention a few years ago that Wille has adopted the Boys Club as his charity of choice and that he sponsors a golf tournament in our area each spring that raises money for said club. What makes this another reason to admire Willie is that his old pals from the Major Leagues come and play in the tournament and they mix and mingle and sign autographs for any and all duffers who sign up to play. The man is still giving back, and that's why we still admire Willie so much today.

But if Willie is someone to admire, then his evil opposite must be Michael Vick.

The rundown on Michael Vick is as follows:

• He left VA Tech early to chase the big NFL bucks.
  
• When he got busted for possessing pot he lied his way out of it and he hired an army of lawyers to protect his ass.
  
• He picked up a woman using the alias 'Ron Mexico,' had sex with her, gave her herpes, and then tried to deny it.
"Viva unprotected sex with groupies!"



• He refuses to accept any blame for not leading his team to a Superbowl victory, and remember this is the team that pays him millions of dollars to do just that.



• He thinks it's okay to force dogs to fight and kill each other for his and his buddies amusement.
  

It's a crying shame that the media wants kids and NFL fans to idolize Vick when he does crap like that. And it's an even bigger shame that someone like Willie Horton, a truly good and decent human being who is a true hero, is forever confused with that murdering rapist thanks to Bush the elder. But thank goodness that we were taught who to idolize and who to vilify.

A League Of Mullets Movie Review

Yo we watched Mistress of Spices and here is our review:

Okay we admit it, we watched a chick flick. Sometimes you have to, for whatever reason, so stop judging us. So upfront we're telling you this is a chick flick and that we did not like it. We can see how some people, mainly chicks, would like it, but it just did not do it for us.

The story is pretty slim and what story is there is pretty silly. The lovely Aishwarya Rai comes to the USA to run a spice shop, she breaks all the rules she is supposed to live by when she meets a scruffy Dylan McDermott, they fall in love, they overcome obstacles to their love, and then an earthquake brings them together in the end. Yawn.

The main problems we had with this movie were primarily the fact that it looked like Dylan McDermott had forgotten how to shave, we've never kissed a dude before but we think that facial scruff might scratch a bit, and secondarily, that it is was another one of those movies where the demure but sweet foreign heroine can only find love with a white man from the USA, as if to say that all other men from everywhere else in the world, especially her home country, were inferior or unworthy of her love.

The only thing that made this movie bearable was the lovely Ms. Rai. So now we present some pictures of the lovely Ms. Rai for all to enjoy.

We are sad to say the not even the addition of characters with mullets could have saved this film.

So say us!!! So say we all!!!!!

It used to be just us...

...who thought that the Idiot in Chief would pull something in 2009 in order to stay in office but today we saw this on Politits:

When Dubya finally decides that he won't be leaving office and that something catastrophic has happened and he has to declare martial law, it won't be the troops who enforce his newly issued edicts. Nosireee.

We have always hated to imagine the the awful prospect of another four years of those venal bastards ruining our country and another four year of those idiots raping Iraq and Afghanistan and killing thousands upon thousands people in their insatiable lust for power, oil, and the love of Jeebus, but we honestly thought that it was just our paranoid little monkey brains that cooked up that little recipe. So thats what makes D Cup's post so troubling. If we think about that nightmare scenario it's okay, it's just our little problem, but if others are imagining it as well, then we better batten down the hatches and Katie bar the fucking door because it just may come to pass.

Holy crap, we were reasonably optimistic this morning until we saw someone else shared our fears of BushwithoutendAmen. Now we feel like doing this:

Jokes you can tell your kids

Put your hands together for Evil Spock. He's a got a joke you can tell your kids.

If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have?

A very large bedroom.

Thanks everyone, I'm here all week or until I take over the world and make you all my slaves. Don't forget to tip your waitress. I'm not kidding around, do not forget to tip her, she's working hard for you so show the young lady some monetary love. Evil Spock out!

Next time on "To Catch A Predator"

Somebody gets wood.

More monkey art

Another 13" by 13" mixed media piece in our Plate Tectonics series.



You can win a prize from the Monkey Muck prize vault if you can tell us where the numbers on these Plate Tectonics series art pieces comes from and what the next number will be. Send your answers to our email address on this blog.